I will share the joys, pains,
and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find
a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate
today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.
I require more than 30
Efforts, less would create an unsubstantial portrait of the man who needs your
support. 30 days is an unrealistic timeline — once discovered, neither accurate
words nor the courage to write them, develop so quickly. How many efforts will this take, and how much
time will require to share them? I don’t know the answer, so I will just
continue writing.
This is Effort Number 27…
I knew it was coming.
According to my tracking, I was late by a few weeks. A normal assumption would
be that I am getting better. My MS, however, is way too predictable. I
recognized the ramp-up, starting a few days prior. There are a few preparations
I can make, but nothing to hold onto or brace myself with.
It doesn't scare me anymore –
I’m not surprised by its onset or overwhelmed by the rush. It just is…
Yesterday was a bad day.
I saw it coming.
Everyone with MS recognizes
the precursors to their own symptoms. Mine are obvious.
[Obvious to you, that is.]
Yes. Obvious to me. I don’t
think anyone noticed the changes.
Over the last week, I started
to sleep just a little bit more…
Over the last week, my workout
intensity was just a little bit less…
Over the last week, my
appetite increased just a little bit more…
Looking back at my MS tracking,
I can see the changes. The chart was unnecessary, however, for I already knew
what was coming. I liken the scenario to cooking or preparing food. Since we’ve
become close friends over the last 26 efforts, I’ll be frank. I liken the
scenario to preparing a big shit sandwich I know I am going to have to eat
soon. Everything just gets shittier and shittier, which is apropos for my
pending sandwich.
Everything starts to slip,
usually when I am at a peak point. I was this time, setting new high marks in
my physical routine and starting my regimen with a personal trainer. Like I
said before, I saw it coming.
I recognized the pattern even
before signs first start to show. Three steps forward, one step back. Six steps
forward, one step back. I think this time I was more like 10 steps forward, one
step back. I attribute that to a strong diet and exercise program, a full plate
of activities that challenge my mental acuity, and incredible connections with
family and friends – decreasing my stress while strengthening my soul. Any doctor
will tell me, “those are some of the key ingredients to a healthy, normal
lifestyle.” MS just makes those ingredients more important — I guess you can
say it makes the inevitable shit sandwich a little bit tastier!
I was happy to recognize how
everything I have done prolonged my uptime or delayed my downtime – depending
on how you want to look at it. I used to consider my condition kind of like the
rolling tide: ebbs and flows at varying intensities but rather predictable
intervals. My “ebbs” now are stronger than my “flows” tend to be, the duration until
my body pulls back extended.
I was even able to delay my
bad day just a bit longer when that pullback/slip/shit show first began. While
the body is indeed a powerful mechanism, it hardly compares to the strength a
sound mind and heart can have. A close bond, an intimate and personal
connection, aided my body when I was not quite ready to have a bad day. “It’s
coming and there’s nothing I can do about it,” I thought, “but just not yet.” We
got to enjoy our moment.
Inevitably, misfortune
arrives.
This is where “the fight is
not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found” comes to play. I will continue
to fight, and I will continue to demonstrate improvement. My MS will not quit,
it will not stop. My reminder came yesterday when I was served my sandwich.
How did I react? Just as I
prepared. I canceled my planned workout, ‘dialed in’ a really lazy blog post (was
anyone really fooled by Effort 25.1?), stole some of Eleanor’s almond-crusted
ice cream bars from the freezer (I replaced them), and treated myself to a
fancy leftover dinner and some beer. I’m not sure what the best method is, but
that was just about all I could do yesterday. I was in bed by 8:45.
My recovery was scheduled
accordingly.
I know my MS. I can predict
the pattern of my bad days: the ramp-up, onset, and the duration. The best part
about almost 20 years of knowledge is the fact that I know what my body is
capable of on bad day +1. I was not 100% today; I did take a big step back, but
it’s still only one step. After about nine hours of sleep, I was raring to go.
House chores (cleaning up all the mess I left from yesterday), writeups for
Saturday’s Gala MS event, and intense session with my personal trainer, another
random doctor’s appointment, crating of our UNBELIEVABLE WINE COLLECTION for
auction at the Gala MS event on Saturday, writing-writing-writing, then lending
my hand for some IT support. Throw in breakfast, lunch, and dinner and my day
is back to normal.
No, my bad days no longer
frighten me. The anxiety I hold onto is my realization that someday, for some
as-yet-unexperienced reason, an unexpected bad day will scare the hell out of
me.
I hope the stories will
inspire your donation to my fight.
Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Please
donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
100%
of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support
our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin
Byrne
Portland,
OR
Never Stop…
Never Quit…
Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
No comments:
Post a Comment