This is Effort Number 20…
“What if?” is the greatest question, comforting my mind as it tries to navigate the multiple facets of my multiple sclerosis. I’m happy to say there is no “Constant Noise of What If?”
Not anymore.
[Have you given up on your dreams?]
No. Quite the opposite, in fact. My mind retains an abundance of dreams, goals, and future possibilities. I already shared with you the fact that there is the constant noise of my future. Those are, as they stated, in the future. While on this ‘30 Efforts’ road to self discovery I realized there is no constant noise of my past anymore
[Are you getting more out of this blog series then your readers?]
I hope that’s not the case, but it just may be so.
[Why don’t you just write these cute little love letters to yourself, instead of forcing others to read your impossibly flawed logic, drawn out stories, or badgering between the voices in your head?]
I’m just trying to occupy my time, I guess.
[OK, then… *Inside Voice facepalm*]
Here’s one. What if I told a story?
Natural Progression
Imagine a child playing in an elementary schoolyard during recess. Let’s call him Kevin. Kevin is having a grand time bouncing away on a shiny new pogo stick. Everyone in the class has their own pogo stick; it’s an activity they can all do together, but strangely enough they only pogo alone (parallel playing).
As Kevin was playing and heavily bouncing around on his pogo stick, not a care in the world, the class bully walked up. Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister, let’s call him M.S.
[Subtle.]
Thanks. Anyway, M.S. walked up to Kevin. Without warning or provocation, M.S. smashed Kevin‘s pogo stick into pieces. There was irreparable damage.
Reaction #1: “What the fuck just happened?” *It was a progressive elementary school, with a flowery vocabulary.
A normal, even expected reaction. The subsets to #1 were even more *progressive*, leading to disciplinary problems for Kevin.
Reaction #2: “I want my pogo stick back! I hate you M.S.”
There was still no reminiscing about the lost pogo stick, but Kevin’s fear of M.S. grew as the bullying continued to worsen. M.S. tormented Kevin all school year.
• He tore pages from Kevin’s text books. The pages were taped back together but were badly damaged.
• He stole Kevin’s left glove that winter. Because that winter was especially cold, Kevin got frostbite on his left hand. When he returned to school, his classmates laughed and asked, “Why didn’t you wear a glove on your left hand?” Kevin cried, “M.S. stole my glove, just like he smashed my pogo stick!” No one saw the connection.
• M.S. stole or destroyed 8 items that year. 3 were returned unharmed; 2 were repaired, sort of; 3 were lost forever.
Reaction: #3: “I miss my pogo stick.”
M.S. was in a different class for the next school year. Kevin saw him often, but had no direct contact. Every time he saw M.S., he was reminded of his pogo stick M.S. destroyed forever.
Reaction #4: “ I wish I could do that. If only I had a pogo stick. I hate you, M.S.”
There was a big district-wide pogo stick festival that year. Parades, races, and a pogo pageant. The winners were plied with wonderfully shiny medals. Kevin could not participate, unfortunately. He did not have a pogo stick. You can’t just buy a new pogo stick, and his was so far beyond repair his mom scrapped it a month ago. He thought about his pogo stick often, but pride kept him from admitting sorrow. He did not want to give M.S. the satisfaction it sought.
But, oh the fantastic dreams he would have! Kevin was the district champion in the hundred meter pogo race, pogoing for distance, and he won best overall look in the pogo pageant — all in those dreams…
Reaction #5: “Leave me alone, M.S., I have nothing more to take!”
Kevin was bullied his entire life. M.S. followed him through high school, college, and on into the adult world. Although M.S. had several victims he liked to bully, Kevin always felt he was a special target.
Life moved on. Their relationship got better; their relationship got worse. Kevin was a victim bullied to the brink. You know his story — the physical, mental, and emotional effects of bullying. There wasn’t anything he could do, except…
Reaction #6: “M.S. will never leave me alone.”
Kevin joined the National Anti-Bullying Society. He was asked to share his story, Kevin wrote, “M.S. took my life from me, the life I knew. But there are a lot of bullies out there. I don’t want my daughters generation to have to hear, ‘your classmate this year is Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister.’”
Kevin closed as laptop and leaned back in his chair, satisfied with his newest message. He thought about M.S., wondering where his nemesis was and when they’ll meet again. Gently rubbing his numb, once-frostbitten hand, Kevin closed his eyes and whispered, “I was a damn good pogo sticker back in the day.”
It’s not constant. My memories don’t flashback to, “What if…?” However faded, the memories remain if only to serve as a reminder of my objective: that this never happened to someone else again.
/This marks the end of my random drawn out story./
I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make here, but it was fun!
Credits:
Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister – my MS
Kevin – me
[Production Supervisor - Inside Voice]
No
[Please?]
No
Pogo Stick – flying, my Army career, running, my hands/arms/legs, snapping my fingers, writing, bowel/bladder function, vision, sleeping, lifting, grasping, speaking, swallowing, my corporate career, clipping my nails, brushing my teeth, buttoning my shirt, typing, etc.
I hope my stories will inspire you to donate to my fight.
Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR
Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
No comments:
Post a Comment