I will share the joys, pains,
and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find
a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate
today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.
This is a revisit to Effort
Number 16…
This blog entry officially
derails my 30 Efforts in 30 Days. I can’t contain myself within those
stifling confines. I require more than 30 Efforts, less would create an
unsubstantial portrait of the man who needs your support. 30 days is an
unrealistic timeline — once discovered, neither accurate words nor the courage
to write them develop so quickly. How
many efforts will this take, and how much time will require to share them? I
don’t know the answer, so I would just continue making efforts.
I found this today. The words
portray a chilling echo of what was to be Effort 30, my final post. Instead,
this gives me a look into my future by reflecting words of my past.
[You may want to let your
readers know that your grammar and vocabulary sucked 30 years ago.]
I think they’ll get the
message rather quickly.
Kevin
Byrne
Journal
#30 May 3, 1989
This
is it! The final journal of the year. So much has happened this year, it hardly
seems possible to experience so much in so short of the time. I think that I
have grown emotionally more this year than I ever have. I’ve outgrown all of
those childish ways, well, most of them (always keep a few!) and I’m really
prepared for my big jump into the “real world”.
I’ve
seen so many things, and done so many things, experienced so many things. Some
of them I am so happy to have done, some I would not want anyone to experience.
But I can’t deny, it’s been unique.
I first talked about this
Journal in my September 10th blog post “Effort 16 – My Sincere Thanks to MS.”
After digging through a bunch of my old memories, I spent time reading through
42 pages I wrote 30 years ago. I don’t think I’ll share the full journal with
anyone except Eleanor (it is part of my journal to her) but here are some other
relevant passages.
To
begin my journal, I’ll describe what my life is like at this point.
***
All
of those things and so much more helped me to see just how unique and special
person I am, living a life that no one else has ever lived before or will ever
live. What I do with this life is completely MY choice. I can live in my way
and my way only. My life choices the only selfish decision I have been allowed.
I think that I will use my life to be the best person that I can for me and for
others. And with just a little luck, maybe, just maybe….
I
guess that all of my life I have had this idea that there was nothing that
could hurt me. I was impenetrable and I could not relate with those people who
suffer from some kind of disability. But this weekend, I got some idea of my
vulnerability and see how others live and suffer.
***
She
shows me that I am not alone in my feelings and that someone can understand me.
***
Today,
for the first time in a long time, someone called me a “friend.”
***
And
while I wait, I will make the best of my time in every way, ever moving on!
***
Every
day, I am flooded with questions about my future.
***
With
this attitude, I think that I can handle it all and make it through a very
challenging time.
***
I
know that what we have will come to an end in a couple of months, but what I
have now is what counts and think that what I experience now will carry me
through my transition.
***
It
feels really good to help a friend!
***
What
I am looking forward to is the change… (This entry was on April 28, 1989 – 21 years to
the day before Eleanor was born.)
***
Music
is a great way for me to express the way I feel. What I listen to depends a lot
on what I am thinking about.
On May 3, 1989, I closed my
journal. The boy who now knew everything went off to discover a life he could
never have imagined. Shaping the man I would become 30 years later, these words
are the foundation of my efforts – the reason why I will Never Stop… Never
Quit…
I hope the stories will
inspire your donation to my fight.
Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Please
donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
100%
of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support
our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin
Byrne
Portland,
OR
Never Stop…
Never Quit…
Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
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