*with apologies to The Dead Milkmen
I’m a lefty; a southpaw from the
start.
Unlike many
who straddle the fence in a right-handed world, I have always approached
everything from one side. In sports, throwing
a ball, batting, and tennis were always natural from the left. Much to the chagrin of my Catholic school
grade school, I even resisted the pressure to learn writing with my right
hand. Everyday items which are made for
righties (scissors, computer keyboard & mouse) are awkwardly used with the
left; that has always felt natural instead of learning the ‘correct’ use them with
my right.
When my MS
first struck, I was lucky (sort of).
Much of the damage and loss of feeling affected my right side. The difficulty created was most noticeable
during activities requiring two hands.
If only one was needed, my natural preference took over. There were times when I inadvertently used my
right hand; occasionally the use was intentional just to see if I could… The result was often a calamity of broken
glass, bruised/burnt fingers, or food scattered all over the floor (Monte
always loved those moments)!
In late 2010
I started to observe changes; dramatic improvements in my coordination and
control. I wrote about the theories of rerouting
signals along the neural highway in January ’11 (Tools
for Rewiring My Body). My 8-month
old daughter did what no other treatment or drug could accomplish: Eleanor
forced my body to overcome some of the nerve damage caused by MS.
Within a
year or so, I could confidently state that the originally-diagnosed “60% loss
in my right chest and arm” was probably closer to 30. The feeling in my hand never returned but I
could now perform many basic tasks with relative comfort and ease. My favorite line of that story is the last: For
the first time, I am excited to wonder what will happen to my body when I wake
up tomorrow? About two years
ago, I woke up. Damn!
Everything changes..again..
It’s
2014. 15 years have passed since my
battle with MS first started. My larger
issues are now on my left side. Loss is
now measured in different ways. Lost
feeling, coordination and control have given was to pure physical
weakness. There are days when I can’t lift
or perform basic tasks with my left hand, arm or leg. Even on good days, there are intermittent
times when everyday tasks become impossible.
Eating with a fork, lifting my arm to raise a glass/brush my
teeth/shave, or lifting my leg to put on pants are some of the most basic tasks
that can now stop my day in its tracks!
Most
leg-tasks require both to work sufficiently for me (walking, running, or
biking) but there is a lot that I can do with one strong arm and hand. In the past, the fact that I’m a natural
southpaw softened my MS challenge a bit.
Now, I’m a 42-year old man learning how to use new hands.
For help, I often
go to the experts on learning. I observe
my daughter, as well as other children, to gain clues on ever-changing bodies
and function. It really is a miracle to watch
their developing bodies, and quite humbling to try and mimic their tasks. Slowly but surely, however, I am learning to
function. When my left side is
especially weak and immobile, I can perform the basic tasks I need through
those tough days. I’m still not that
graceful with my right side but, if required, I can finally eat without
sticking my fork in my cheek!
I’ve seen this and wrote about it before…
This will
change. If there is one thing I know
about MS, I know this will change. Maybe
my body will rewire again, allowing me the chance to recover some lost damage
on my left side. Maybe it will get worse
and require more significant Adjustments,
Concessions and Embracing the New.
The reality is that what eventually happens does not matter. In my fight with MS, I will continue to have
the Want
To dedication to do absolutely everything that’s required before we win.
So I will
learn to become right-handed. I will
train my body (and my mind) to become comfortable with moving and functioning
in stark contrast to how I developed for the first 42 years. After all, how hard could that be?
At the same
time, I will fight becoming right-handed every step of the way. While my left hand and arm continue to work I
will rehabilitate, train, and condition.
I just might find a way to overcome the damage and rebuild/regain my
strength. Maybe I will just delay the
inevitable. But maybe, just maybe, I
will hold the damaging effects of my MS long enough until we find the
treatments that will cure/prevent/fight this disease!
Any way this
goes, I will Never Stop. Regardless of
what it takes, I will Never Quit.
The stories
I have been writing for over four years are my reminders.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we fight!
My left on a
good day…
My
new right…
Kevin Byrne - Portland, OR
