Thursday, September 19, 2019

Effort 24 – No Time for MS


For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.

This is Effort Number 24…

I wanted to tell you 30 stories in 30 days.
[But you already missed one day – September 13. You can’t do 30 stories in 30 days…]
Technically, Mister Smart Ass Inside Voice, I still could. All I have to do is two stories in one day.
[Oh! I didn’t think of that.]
Can I just get back to my story, please?
[Sure. Sorry.]

Where was I?
I wanted to tell you 30 stories in 30 days. I normally wait until the date to post before I write my blog, maybe the night before. Sometimes, my creativity flows better with the, “if you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute,” mindset. I’ll sit down in the morning and pull an idea I feel is worth some time to share. Perhaps my inspiration will come when I’m sweating in the gym.

Neither one of those happened today. From the moment I woke up until the time I went to the gym, my mind was overwhelmed with fundraising and planning for my next NEVER STOP NEVER QUIT project. I was so engrossed in minutia I almost missed my 10 AM appointment – my first session with a personal trainer from Specialty Athletic Training.

After I wore my body out during the assessment of how much my body could actually do, I returned home for some fundraising follow-up, meeting with a new potential sponsor, additional fundraising outreach, preparations for next Saturday’s MS Gala, then responding to outreaches regarding my books.

10:15 rolled around and I realized that after spending all day fighting MS, I gave myself no time to talk about the devastating effects of this disease.

I’m Grateful
It has been a while since I did not spend a good portion of my day trying to figure out how I will overcome some of the challenges my MS shoves in front of me. It’s been nice to have a day solely dedicated to making progress in this fight. Part of me hopes more days like this are my future.

I’m Sad
It has been a while since I’ve had a day where absolutely nothing else was accomplished because everything was about multiple sclerosis. It doesn’t matter if it’s MS in general, or the issue is specifically my MS. When days like these occur, I blink and they are over. Nothing else gets accomplished and I go to bed feeling like I have wasted more precious time. Part of me hopes there are no more days like this in my future.

And, if you’re counting, I’m more sad than grateful. 58/42%, by my best calculation. I have neither time nor tolerance for all things MS-related. Tomorrow, I will focus on returning to balance — whatever that is…

I hope the stories will inspire your donation to my fight.

Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.


Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Effort 23 – The Constant Noise of the Loo


For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.

This is Effort Number 23…

This is a very easy blog post to write. My debate, however, started immediately. I attempted to address well-formed arguments by my Inside Voice.

[Do you really want to write this, Kevin?]
That was one.
[What are you going to call it?]
That was the other.
[Well, what did you come up with?]
This…

Do I really want to write this?
Not particularly. Certain topics turn people off right away. It’s unfair to the purpose of my blog series, however, if I’m going to completely ignore something referred to as a Constant Noise. The unfiltered me may have unintended and unwanted consequences on my “social life” tomorrow, but it’s a risk I’ll have to take.

The filtered me isn’t much better, hence the “  ” addition.

What am I going to call it?
I settled on The Constant Noise of the Loo, figuring I might have a problem sharing The Constant Noise of Piss and Shit on social media. I think this sounds more dignified, kind of, sort of.

On that note, another dirty little secret:
My body is almost always having some issues related to going to the bathroom. If on that rare occasion, I don’t physically have an issue, I am surely thinking/worrying about it.

Can’t stop going = Incontinence. Did you know there are seven types of incontinence?
1.      Stress incontinence. Not related to but rather pressure due to weight, pregnancy, sneezing, lifting, exercise, and some medical conditions.
2.      Overflow incontinence. This usually involves difficulties emptying the urinary bladder.
3.      Urge incontinence or overactive bladder. This usually involves injury to nerves or muscles, caused by injury or disease.
4.      Functional incontinence. Urine leaking caused by age, physical disability, or mental capacity.
5.      Mixed incontinence. As it states, accommodation of the above.
6.      Total incontinence. As it states….
7.      Bedwetting. This refers specifically to incontinence in children as a result of an immature bladder.
I am a 2, 3, and 4. That makes me a 5. There is always the danger of one day I will be a 6.

[Well, you’re a 10 in my book, Kevin!]
Not relevant or appropriate in this case, but thank you.

Can’t go = Urinary Retention/Obstructed Defecation.
Let’s just assume we all know what these mean. You want to go, but you can’t — I’ll just leave it at that…

And, just to give everyone another wonderful visual, I’ll throw in an additional issue. Rectal tenesmus – this is that feeling of being unable to completely empty your bowels, even when there is nothing left to expel.

I will leave the details of how these affect me every day to your imagination. Suffice it to say, most of the worst things you can probably imagine are accurate.

Yes, there are medications I can take.
Yes, they do work sometimes.
Yes, I do take medications sometimes.
No, they do not work all the time/in all situations.
No, I do not like taking additional medications. I much rather prefer to adjust my lifestyle and live with the consequences.

This is a constant noise. Everything I do is gauged upon when did I last go to the bathroom, when did I last drink, what did I drink, when I last ate, what did I eat, where am I going and what is there. I highlighted that sentence because it is the exact stream of consciousness going through my head at any given point in time. On bad days, I don’t want to leave the house or be social in any aspect. On good days, I am immensely grateful – realizing the preparations I made beforehand and considerations throughout were critical in my “success.”

Yesterday was a good day, and I am immensely grateful.

So, if you see me out and I look uncomfortable…
[You always look uncomfortable when you’re out.]
Good point. So, when you see me out and I look uncomfortable, try to imagine all the constant noise is going through my head at once. I guarantee this is at the forefront.

I hope the stories will inspire your donation to my fight.

Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.


Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Effort 22 – Always Deliberate


For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.

This is Effort Number 22…

While my claim may come as no surprise to most people, I still catch some off guard every once in a while.    

Almost everything I do is deliberate. If an action is not, I’ve slipped up somewhere. My MS did not create this attribute, but it definitely turned it into a…
[Compulsion.]
No.
[Disorder.]
No.
[Obsession]
No. Let’s go with fixation.
[Whatever…]

My fixation on the deliberate nature of my actions resides in both definitions of the word.

Thought out, judged, and reflected = slow
As my daughter proclaimed to everyone in our interview, I’m slow. That’s a general rule for my activities.

Snap muscle actions and reflexes are a thing of the past along most of my central nervous system. Nerves don’t fire correctly, or at all. Muscles have atrophied – some are dead – some are weighed down by the rest of me. Flexibility is reduced or restricted, hampering muscle contraction and relaxation. My best estimate puts this affliction onto about 35-40% of the external muscle groups in my body (attributable to motion). The added load on “good” muscles, imbalance, and the necessity of left/right working together compounds everything. Put that all together and a litany of words describe my labors.
[Cumbersome]
Unwieldy
[Ungainly]
Lumbering
[Dorky]
That’s just mean.
[Sorry]

Deliberate is also a cautionary measure on my part. My body does not offer feedback the way senses normally would. I also need to ensure that I can compensate for my poor muscle reaction. Every step I take is scouted and planned beforehand. My hands and arms are set to balance myself or brace a potential fall. I can chew bubblegum, but not much else while I am walking.

While I may have some exceptions to this rule, my power and speed are not generated by quick bursts of energy. Cardio workouts (cycling, elliptical, etc.) are increased power applied to a repetitive movement. While I can snap throw a ball with my right arm, it’s a poor effort since I’m a southpaw. Hard, accurate throws require a full wind up and delivery, utilizing my arm/body/legs together — I can throw a semi-accurate pitch over 78 mph, yet I can’t lift my arm out straight!


Intentional
Not specific to my MS, this attribute has many roots.
[You’re old.]
I’m direct.
[You’re crotchety.]
I need to have my words, actions, and needs not to be misunderstood.
[Literally the definition of crotchety.]
That’s not true.

My goal of describing my nature is a combination of reasons/issues. I’ll try to stick with the MS-related aspects of my deliberateness.
  • I’m often misunderstood when my slurring or slow responses often lead to assumptions. “Would you like to…?” or “What about…?” can have unintended consequences if I try a long, fancy explanation. “Yes, No, I Don’t Want” are abrupt answers. Usually they are received well if others react as I need but then listen to my extended explanation.
  • Many people are so generous and helpful, it can be hard to stop them if I don’t need an aide. I get it – I look like someone who needs help. Many times I don’t; I need to do it myself, for my physical therapy and my sanity. A simple “No, thanks” is often overlooked. Sometimes I need help but react the same way — I don’t know where that moving line is and prefer failing over quitting (my poor logic).
  • I’m a nervous creature, always afraid of running out of steam in public. That leads to an accident, embarrassing situations, and irritated people. I often cut conversations, engagements, and outings short because my energy reserve in a super-critical commodity. I can’t/don’t want to explain myself constantly.
  • I get angry. When I can’t do something, or I’m forced to do something, I don’t react well sometimes.
  • I get angry. When my MS is belittled, ignored, or babied. I react — I overreact.

[Is that all?]
I’m old and crotchety.

There are caveats to this confession.
  • Many times I say what I mean, but it’s good-natured because I honestly do want to be loving, pleasant, and sociable (even when I don’t know how).
  • Many times what I want to do the loving, pleasant, and sociable action, so that’s what I do (for as much or as long as I can).

Hopefully, most people see me in this light!



I hope my stories will inspire you to donate to my fight.

Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.


Monday, September 16, 2019

Effort 21 – Dum spiro, dimico

For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
This is Effort Number 21…

“Dum spiro, dimico”
“While I breathe, I will fight”

This simple Latin phrase epitomizes who I am, my dedication to this cause, and, ultimately, the man I was destined to be. I understand that’s a bold claim, especially for someone who does not believe in fate or destiny.

Let me explain…
Who I am
“Dimico” is more than just a physical confrontation or altercation. “Dum spiro, dimico” highlights the fact that, as a man diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I will have to struggle/contend/strive with a mountain of issues completing basic tasks for as long as I am alive. 

Indeed, for as difficult as my life becomes, as debilitating as my disease progresses, I will have to struggle/contend/strive/fight. There is no option for me, not out of determination on my part — my MS will not stop hitting me. 

For as easy and as lavish as my life becomes, I will still have to struggle/contend/strive/fight. No matter how far medical advances and treatments progress, if MS exists within, it will keep hitting me.

While I breathe…this will never end. If I don’t fight, I won’t breathe


My dedication to this cause
Never Stop... Never Quit... epitomizes the single caveat to my above message of lost hope. The resiliency I possess is a trait I was born into, gifted, taught and mentored – dedication I found, created, forged and polished. I was given its meaning, then I formed the words:
Because it is a fight. 
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

Never Stop… Never Quit…

Never Stop... Never Quit... is tattooed on my right forearm as a reminder. The claim made represents more than just a mantra, a trademark, a foundation, and a dedication to this cause. My tattoo is from a blog post on September 5, 2014 (I Can Feel Myself Becoming Right Handed). I’m reminded constantly how my handwriting is worse than it was before…if MS exists within, it will keep hitting me. 
Every day, I look at the tattoo and think, “That’s what I want my legacy to be!”


The man I was destined to become
Above the Never Stop... Never Quit... tattoo is my family crest - my other reminder. Generations before me determined this was to be their mark – my birthright. My struggles were not predestined, just as my future is not assured. I wear the brand today because my family centuries ago permitted me to do so. 

Every day, I look at the tattoo and think, “That’s what I want my legacy to be!”

“Certavi et Vici”
“I have fought and conquered”

I hope my stories will inspire you to donate to my fight.

Because it is a fight. 
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.




Sunday, September 15, 2019

Effort 20 – What If…?

For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor

This is Effort Number 20…

What if?” is the greatest question, comforting my mind as it tries to navigate the multiple facets of my multiple sclerosis. I’m happy to say there is no “Constant Noise of What If?”

Not anymore.

[Have you given up on your dreams?]
No. Quite the opposite, in fact. My mind retains an abundance of dreams, goals, and future possibilities. I already shared with you the fact that there is the constant noise of my future. Those are, as they stated, in the future. While on this ‘30 Efforts’ road to self discovery I realized there is no constant noise of my past anymore

[Are you getting more out of this blog series then your readers?]
I hope that’s not the case, but it just may be so.
[Why don’t you just write these cute little love letters to yourself, instead of forcing others to read your impossibly flawed logic, drawn out stories, or badgering between the voices in your head?]
I’m just trying to occupy my time, I guess.
[OK, then…   *Inside Voice facepalm*]  

Here’s one. What if I told a story?

Natural Progression
Imagine a child playing in an elementary schoolyard during recess. Let’s call him Kevin. Kevin is having a grand time bouncing away on a shiny new pogo stick. Everyone in the class has their own pogo stick; it’s an activity they can all do together, but strangely enough they only pogo alone (parallel playing).

As Kevin was playing and heavily bouncing around on his pogo stick, not a care in the world, the class bully walked up. Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister, let’s call him M.S.

[Subtle.]

Thanks. Anyway, M.S. walked up to Kevin. Without warning or provocation, M.S. smashed Kevin‘s pogo stick into pieces. There was irreparable damage.

Reaction #1: “What the fuck just happened?” *It was a progressive elementary school, with a flowery vocabulary.

A normal, even expected reaction. The subsets to #1 were even more *progressive*, leading to disciplinary problems for Kevin.

Reaction #2: “I want my pogo stick back! I hate you M.S.”

There was still no reminiscing about the lost pogo stick, but Kevin’s fear of M.S. grew as the bullying continued to worsen. M.S. tormented Kevin all school year.
He tore pages from Kevin’s text books. The pages were taped back together but were badly damaged.
He stole Kevin’s left glove that winter. Because that winter was especially cold, Kevin got frostbite on his left hand. When he returned to school, his classmates laughed and asked, “Why didn’t you wear a glove on your left hand?” Kevin cried, “M.S. stole my glove, just like he smashed my pogo stick!” No one saw the connection.
M.S. stole or destroyed 8 items that year. 3 were returned unharmed; 2 were repaired, sort of; 3 were lost forever.

Reaction: #3: “I miss my pogo stick.”

M.S. was in a different class for the next school year. Kevin saw him often, but had no direct contact. Every time he saw M.S., he was reminded of his pogo stick M.S. destroyed forever.

Reaction #4: “ I wish I could do that. If only I had a pogo stick. I hate you, M.S.”  

There was a big district-wide pogo stick festival that year. Parades, races, and a pogo pageant. The winners were plied with wonderfully shiny medals. Kevin could not participate, unfortunately. He did not have a pogo stick. You can’t just buy a new pogo stick, and his was so far beyond repair his mom scrapped it a month ago. He thought about his pogo stick often, but pride kept him from admitting sorrow. He did not want to give M.S. the satisfaction it sought.

But, oh the fantastic dreams he would have! Kevin was the district champion in the hundred meter pogo race, pogoing for distance, and he won best overall look in the pogo pageant — all in those dreams…

Reaction #5: “Leave me alone, M.S., I have nothing more to take!”

Kevin was bullied his entire life. M.S. followed him through high school, college, and on into the adult world. Although M.S. had several victims he liked to bully, Kevin always felt he was a special target.

Life moved on. Their relationship got better; their relationship got worse. Kevin was a victim bullied to the brink. You know his story — the physical, mental, and emotional effects of bullying. There wasn’t anything he could do, except…

Reaction #6: “M.S. will never leave me alone.”

Kevin joined the National Anti-Bullying Society. He was asked to share his story, Kevin wrote, “M.S. took my life from me, the life I knew. But there are a lot of bullies out there. I don’t want my daughters generation to have to hear, ‘your classmate this year is Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister.’”

Kevin closed as laptop and leaned back in his chair, satisfied with his newest message. He thought about M.S., wondering where his nemesis was and when they’ll meet again. Gently rubbing his numb, once-frostbitten hand, Kevin closed his eyes and whispered, “I was a damn good pogo sticker back in the day.”

It’s not constant. My memories don’t flashback to, “What if…?” However faded, the memories remain if only to serve as a reminder of my objective: that this never happened to someone else again.

 /This marks the end of my random drawn out story./

I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make here, but it was fun!
Credits:
  Mitchellogotowsken Sturgeonbonkenmeister – my MS
  
  Kevin – me
  
  [Production Supervisor - Inside Voice]
  No
  [Please?]
  No

  Pogo Stick – flying, my Army career, running, my hands/arms/legs, snapping my fingers, writing, bowel/bladder function, vision, sleeping, lifting, grasping, speaking, swallowing, my corporate career, clipping my nails, brushing my teeth, buttoning my shirt, typing, etc.

I hope my stories will inspire you to donate to my fight.

Because it is a fight. 
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

Effort 19 – What Do I Miss Most?

For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor

This is Effort Number 19…

I did not post my effort yesterday. September 13th was a day for family – not everything is about my MS.

“Of everything you have lost, because of your multiple sclerosis, what do you miss most?”

This is probably one of the hardest questions to answer. I haven’t lost anything…yet. Maybe you could consider my military career or, more specifically, my career flying helicopters. Maybe that was difficult at some point, but time and far better opportunities have erased any sorrow.

I have “partially” lost a mountain of abilities. My body can still do anything it was able to before my MS, just generally a lot less…

When starting to put together a list of my disabilities, I realized the exercise held no value. Should I complete that list, I would be compelled too lay it side-by-side with a list of things I gained because of my MS.

I see my friends. 
I see my fellow MS warriors. 
I see my family.
I don’t chastise myself or feel selfish for lamenting the losses I have experience for almost 20 years. Nor can I miss that which I may/may not lose in the future.

I have been told a writer should never discard drafts of their work, regardless of the quality. Two hours of writing, an inventory list of stories about losing my activities, my passions, and my loves turned into a complete waste of time. 

Almost. 

My labor to recall what I miss most because of my MS was suddenly and violently brushed aside by the activities, passions, and loves my disease created.

I’ll stop here and let my mind rest…

I hope my stories will inspire you to donate to my fight.

Because it is a fight. 
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Effort 18 – The Constant Noise of My Future

For 30 days, I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor

This is Effort Number 18…
We call them different things: our goals, our targets, our objectives. How we get there becomes our plan, our mission. We put into words the conditions we would like to see for our future.
The futures left to consider because of my multiple sclerosis often damaged, and nearly destroyed, my present. The flaws of my thinking are boundless examples of just how much I remain ignorant about this disease and how little I understand of my own strength.

“Nothing good lies ahead in my future”
I have struggled with this statement many times in the past, filled with both absent and well informed understandings of multiple sclerosis. This was my knowledge of every subsequent step into tomorrow. So much more than those dark moments of suicide I talked about before, my reaction to this thought has had crippling affects on my life (and still maintains a presence I struggle with daily).
My attempts to repair the “nothing good” concept I faced often addressed conditions which had nothing to do with my MS. Well, should I say, “tried to address.” I did recognize my depression. While laying blame on the disease, I place the burden of rehabilitation on outside salvations.

My Deus ex Machinas (in no particular order)

  • New job
  • New move/life
  • Winning the lottery/casino
  • New love
  • New recognition for my efforts - there are many, many versions of this expression by me (school, work, physical, even taking hold in my writing and my fundraising…)


Times beyond when ending my future was an option, the desire for one of these things to ‘instantly create a reason to want a future yet prevailed. When those miracles were not there, or they inevitably approved to be a false idol, another form of my depression kicked in. As I waited to think of another cures, I did nothing. My responsibility, my job, was to come up with another plan that would easily work and solve all my worries.

Hours and days passed while my mind remain stagnant, my body lethargic. I neglected my body and mind while waiting for their cure, remedies that had no ability to heal my body and mind — this was not suspended animation, for, through my active neglect, I was damaging myself while I toiled over the disease that was actively damaging me.

This is some crazy circular logic! I am surprised my Inside Voice is not jumping all over these claims.
[I am truly amazed you have managed to discover this without my help.]
Thanks!
[No problem. Please go on.]

“I have no future”
In this scenario, I have no fear about the devastating effects of my multiple sclerosis. This is not disregarding tomorrow because I am going to be dead, by my own hand or some other random factor. In my mind, there was zero consideration as to how my actions today impacted anything…

My task today is to talk about those misconceptions, not necessarily to go into detail on the sordid ways I held to the fact that nothing I did mattered because was there was nothing for me in the future.

Let’s just say my search for the higher release of endorphins found:
Alcohol and sex were my greatest depraved outlets of indifference.
I’m grateful beyond belief other drugs never took precedence.
I’ll group the rest of my addictive behaviors here.
On a positive note, the fact that I gave no consideration to being here tomorrow led to some of the greatest act of love, compassion, and care I have ever displayed; I wanted to demonstrate them today. Regardless of the negative justifications, each of those acts were well deserved and genuine. I know many people who see me in this light. I hope to continue such actions.

“My future is unclear and unwritten. That’s OK.”
Three Deus ex Machinas first led to the good I forced myself to find in the future.
I decided to go for a bike ride into 2003 (National MS Society, Western Pennsylvania’s Bike MS: Escape to the Lake).
The Department of Veterans Affairs MS Center of Excellence asked me to write a story…
Eleanor Rogue Byrne – April 28, 2010

In that time and after, every one of my demons returned. It wasn’t until I put everything together in my story did I discover the truth. I am my own Deus ex Machina.

It was the release of endorphins that first lead to the visions I began to have for the future.
The emotions I express when burning energy and rage in the gym have two effects. I feel relief as I get my anxiety out in a safe and healthy manner. The emotional benefits of look better, feel better are indeed significant.
The immediate lift of a heavy burden or suffering is a euphoric feeling unmatched by any other. When I writing, my malady becomes a responsibility carried by my characters, or secret I am no longer loaded down with on my own.

I don’t think the term ‘nothing’ applies, but I still believe that very bad things are in my future because of my multiple sclerosis. In light of that fact, I need to prepare myself: physically, mentally, financially, and so that, when bad shit does happen, we are prepared. We, That means me, my family, my friends, and all the warriors with which I share our fight.

Good, bad, or indifferent, I do believe I have a future. My future exists on the consequences of my past and present. Actions taken then, either by me or the infinite variations of those whose effects  I come in contact with, will affect us.  Us. That means me, my family, my friends, and all the warriors with which I share our fight.

I do have a future and I do hope for the ecstasy I envision. I will continue to live, and love, and learn, and fight today. I look forward to sharing my hopes and preparations, but I will not wright about my what future will be. It would be a cliché for me to say, but…


I hope my stories and excitement for the future will inspire you to donate to my fight.

Because it is a fight.

The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®

Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.