Saturday, September 21, 2019

Effort 16.1 – A Chilling Look


I will share the joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.

This is a revisit to Effort Number 16…

This blog entry officially derails my 30 Efforts in 30 Days. I can’t contain myself within those stifling confines. I require more than 30 Efforts, less would create an unsubstantial portrait of the man who needs your support. 30 days is an unrealistic timeline — once discovered, neither accurate words nor the courage to write them develop so quickly.  How many efforts will this take, and how much time will require to share them? I don’t know the answer, so I would just continue making efforts.


I found this today. The words portray a chilling echo of what was to be Effort 30, my final post. Instead, this gives me a look into my future by reflecting words of my past.

[You may want to let your readers know that your grammar and vocabulary sucked 30 years ago.]
I think they’ll get the message rather quickly.

Kevin Byrne
Journal #30                          May 3, 1989

This is it! The final journal of the year. So much has happened this year, it hardly seems possible to experience so much in so short of the time. I think that I have grown emotionally more this year than I ever have. I’ve outgrown all of those childish ways, well, most of them (always keep a few!) and I’m really prepared for my big jump into the “real world”.

I’ve seen so many things, and done so many things, experienced so many things. Some of them I am so happy to have done, some I would not want anyone to experience. But I can’t deny, it’s been unique.

I first talked about this Journal in my September 10th blog post “Effort 16 – My Sincere Thanks to MS.” After digging through a bunch of my old memories, I spent time reading through 42 pages I wrote 30 years ago. I don’t think I’ll share the full journal with anyone except Eleanor (it is part of my journal to her) but here are some other relevant passages.

To begin my journal, I’ll describe what my life is like at this point.
***
All of those things and so much more helped me to see just how unique and special person I am, living a life that no one else has ever lived before or will ever live. What I do with this life is completely MY choice. I can live in my way and my way only. My life choices the only selfish decision I have been allowed. I think that I will use my life to be the best person that I can for me and for others. And with just a little luck, maybe, just maybe….
***
I guess that all of my life I have had this idea that there was nothing that could hurt me. I was impenetrable and I could not relate with those people who suffer from some kind of disability. But this weekend, I got some idea of my vulnerability and see how others live and suffer.
***
She shows me that I am not alone in my feelings and that someone can understand me.
***
Today, for the first time in a long time, someone called me a “friend.”
***
And while I wait, I will make the best of my time in every way, ever moving on!
***
Every day, I am flooded with questions about my future.
***
With this attitude, I think that I can handle it all and make it through a very challenging time.
***
I know that what we have will come to an end in a couple of months, but what I have now is what counts and think that what I experience now will carry me through my transition.
***
It feels really good to help a friend!
***
What I am looking forward to is the change… (This entry was on April 28, 1989 – 21 years to the day before Eleanor was born.)
***
Music is a great way for me to express the way I feel. What I listen to depends a lot on what I am thinking about.

On May 3, 1989, I closed my journal. The boy who now knew everything went off to discover a life he could never have imagined. Shaping the man I would become 30 years later, these words are the foundation of my efforts – the reason why I will Never Stop… Never Quit…

I hope the stories will inspire your donation to my fight.

Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.


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