Monday, April 20, 2020

Act IV, Scene I

Everyone: I cannot wait for this pandemic to end so I can return to the life I had before this mess!
Me: I cannot wait for this pandemic to end!

Can’t work
Can’t move on
Can’t move forward
Unable to go back
Trying to stay healthy
Actually, trying to not get sick
Every day becomes a painful recycle of the one before
Anger and frustration over what I’m told I cannot do
A shortage of resources; ineffective treatments; no cure
Wondering what our “new normal” will look like
Waiting to get sick
Hoping my preparations will be sufficient to fight the inevitable
Tracking the news, the damage, the hope, the loss
Going to sleep afraid — waking up to do it all again

What I described to you is my life before the coronavirus outbreak. I merely traded one Groundhog Day for another. When this ends, there is no cessation. On April 17th, I experienced the horrible realization that a medical setback in either scenario was my only foreseeable change. Beyond illness, they would be little difference between yesterday, tomorrow, and today…

…unless I change today.

For the fourth time, I will define myself. Much like before, there is no clear image of who I will become – I just know it can’t be the man I was yesterday. Unlike before, I will not destroy the foundation already set – my efforts to thrive cannot abandon life I love and cherish.

What does all this mean for me? I don’t know. I spent the better part of two days trying to write my next paragraph. Despite my efforts, all I can definitively come up with is, “I will redefine my value.”

Hopefully, it will mean correcting or abandoning toxic habits/relationships/patterns. This is my opportunity to forge new connections, set and strive towards new goals, and thriving within new experiences — all the while I will nurture and care for those loved ones I hold dear, the values which truly matter.
[Where does that leave me?]
You’re still here, my friend.

Some changes will be dramatic; others, barely perceptible. On April 17, I came to realization, “I can’t live like this.” It will take some time, but I invite you to follow my story.
“This Is How I Want to Live”
to be continued…

I will never stop
I will never quit
This is my story

100% of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support our fight:

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

Never Stop… Never Quit… Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.

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