For 30 days, I will share the
joys, pains, and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My
goal is to find a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS.
Please donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.
This is Effort Number 4…
“I met a girl.” There was a
time when that thought brought a smile to my face, the reaction that had no
other repercussions to it. Just the thought and the smile. Years ago, when I
was a little kid in summer camp, I distinctly remember one day in the pool with
[*I have absolutely no idea what her name is*]. I can describe her shoulder-length,
sandy brown curls; I remember the ruffled, baggy one-piece bathing suit she
wore; I remember holding hands as we stared at each other, above, then under
the water. Three hours – 10 minutes – two minutes, I couldn’t say. Nor can I
tell you will we did at any other point of that nameless summer. Just an
innocent thought that still brings a smile to my face.
As I grew older, not
necessarily more mature, that phrase thought opened up a Pandora’s box of images,
emotions, dreams, and possibilities. Sometimes the relationship worked out for
as long as I wanted them to. On other occasions, I crashed and burned
spectacularly. There were a lot of variations in between. Regardless, every
memory remained intact and impacted the next time I met a girl.
Then I got MS. Then, I met a
girl and there were additional varied layers of fear, frustration, and
rejection.
Every. Single. Time.
Please don’t try and associate
specific events with specific people. I’m sure you will be wrong and it would
not be fair to any girl to make such assumptions. If you recognize yourself in
my words, rest assured my uneasy comfort in sharing is a positive reflection on
the impact you have had in my life. Thank you.
I may consider modifying my
online dating profile.
Twice
divorced, twice-retired man with shared custody of an adorable nine-year-old
daughter and debilitating disease (multiple sclerosis) with varying impact and
glooming possibilities. My hobbies include telling stories, focused time in the
gym, cooking, telling stories, and supporting the nonprofit organizations I
serve.
The perils of dating with MS
is mostly in my head. Long before I meet someone, throughout that time together,
and when all (most) finally came to an end, I unfairly lay the blame on my disability.
I know it’s irrational. For as many of the reasons I can see to date me, I can
see just as many to walk away – or run, screaming and cursing my name. The
problem lies in just one word – MOSTLY. The reason it is in my head at all is that
MS does have an impact on my relationships.
I met a girl – It’s not you,
it’s me
I sabotage relationships with
my own disability. Some are the physical facts: others simply can’t do things should
be able to do because of my MS (or, they can do them with me). I’ve been known
to push people away, my attempt at a preemptive strike if I thought my ego was in
peril. If you want a certain kind of relationship, the fact is I may not be your
guy.
I met a girl – It’s you, but
that’s OK
You might not want to begin a
relationship where so many unique accommodations are required: the physical
appearance of my disability, the care and maintenance required of endless
medication – doctor’s appointments – hospitalizations, etc. You told me so, and
I appreciate that.
I met a girl – It’s you
Don’t get angry because of my
MS. Do not mock me, or anyone talking about me, because of my appearance. Do
not blame me or my MS if you want something else.
I have had six significant
relationships since I was first diagnosed with MS in 1999. I consider the
relationship significant if we’ve had more than a handful of dates…because I’m an
introverted shut-in…mostly because of my MS. Significant or not, when those
relationships end beyond my control, I blame my MS. I didn’t like the way I
felt and chose to give up on dating.
But then I met a girl. It was
wonderful. It happened again.
But then I met a girl. We were
happy. It happened again.
It continued to happen, and
the bitterness over my MS increased. Self-sabotage, poor choices, and isolation
increased. But then I met a girl. It was different.
It happened again.
Since I was first diagnosed in
1999, my MS has been unfairly labeled as the reason I can not find happiness. I
find it impossible for me to dissociate relationships, my disease, and
happiness. When a relationship is lost, I blame (at least in part) my MS. At first
desire to rekindle lost love, I hang my head because my MS is still part of the
equation. I’m better at controlling the “it’s me” portion, but it cuts a little
deeper and hurt a little worse every time “it’s you.”
There is absolutely nothing I
can do about that. I hate my MS every day for that reason.
But then I met a girl.
My MS pushes my emotions to
the limit every day of my fight. The hope is my story will inspire your
donation in this fight.
Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Please
donate today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor
100%
of the royalties earned from my books go to the National MS Society, to support
our fight: http://neverstopneverquit.com/books
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin
Byrne
Portland,
OR
Never Stop…
Never Quit…
Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
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