Limitations
Oh, how I hate being told that I cannot do something!
Maybe it’s the snotty little kid in me who hasn’t quite
grown up yet and probably never will.
Maybe it’s the old Air Cav pilot in me (who hasn’t quite grown up yet
and probably never will!).
·
“You can’t do that because of your MS”
·
“You shouldn’t do that because of your MS”
·
“Because of your MS, it would be best if you
didn’t do that”
One of my biggest frustrations with MS is often the reaction
of others. Well intended, and usually quite warranted, the reactions are just not
what I want to hear under any circumstance.
I have ignored restrictions, pleaded for reconsideration, even snapped
back a little when I was told that I could not or should not do something
because of this disease. No one is safe
from my stubborn push back when they try to place limitations on me.
In fact, there is only one who can come close to convincing
me to accept some of those eventual limits of Multiple Sclerosis….my MS. My MS doesn’t tell me I should not do
something. My MS ‘gently but sternly’
reminds me that I should not do something.
If I continue or push back or go too hard, my MS will show me that I cannot do something. It is a constant game that we play, my MS and
me. Every day I push to show myself and my
MS I can go further without issue. Every
day my MS is following me and reminding me that it’s still there ready to push
back.
My MS will convince me of some of my limitations, but only
after hard fought battles. Sometimes I
win and gain freedom, dexterity and mobility.
Sometimes my MS wins and sets me back a bit. There are no alternatives (yet) to this dance
back and forth. Without a cure for MS my
only other choice would be to sit back and never push my body beyond the pain
and limitation. That’s not an option in
my book.
And so go again and again!
We danced back in June on Mount
Rainier. I pushed my MS up to
Disappointment Cleaver before finally conceding that my balance and gait issues
were too much to go further. My MS may
have won the battle of the last 2,111 feet but I won the first 12,300!
A few days later we were at it
again for a charity MS Mud Run. 10K of
muddy obstacles to climb over, under and through. I won that round and celebrated with a smug
victory grin!
I know that I will have to
constantly battle my MS. I accept that. In some sense I even look forward to the next
battle; again that old Air Cav pilot in me!
I definitely don’t win them all but every victory, whether on the
mountain, in the mud or walking down the street, will give me the energy to
fight through the next loss….
MS gained the upper hand in our
latest round. I now accept my limitation
that because of my MS, and the issues with balance and gait, I should never
again go roller skating. I fell, broke
my leg and will need a while to rehab back to health. You win, MS.
You can have roller skating. I’ll
keep the mountain, the mud and walking down the street!
Kevin Byrne - Portland,
OR
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we fight!
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