I will share the joys, pains,
and dirty little secrets of my life with multiple sclerosis. My goal is to find
a reason to convince you to support/share my fight against MS. Please donate
today: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/eleanor.
I require more than 30
Efforts, less would create an unsubstantial portrait of the man who needs your
support. 30 days is an unrealistic timeline — once discovered, neither accurate
words nor the courage to write them, develop so quickly. How many efforts will this take, and how much
time will require to share them? I don’t know the answer, so I will just
continue writing.
This is Effort Number 34…
What was the first thing you
ever really wanted? By “really wanted,” I mean the first goal you ever had — a
clear vision so great that the memory of your yearning remains with you today.
The mental image I have is as clear as when my desire first formed back in the
late spring of 1977. All of New York City held their breath in fear of the next
attack by the infamous ‘.44 Caliber Killer’ after the Daily News published
portions of a rambling manifesto, promising more bloodshed and violence.
The newspaper article was just
one of the seemingly countless stories in our face every day: recounts of the
past attacks, details of the search and profiling efforts by the police, and
warnings for caution – especially for the young girls and women who seem to be
targeted.
I can still perfectly
re-create that sensation as I stood on the front porch of our house, looking
across the street and over the homes, up to a cloudless sky. Only a child at
the time, there was not a thing I could do. There was nothing I could offer to
the case; I had neither information of value nor resources to consult. A little
boy could not conduct a manhunt for a serial killer. God forbid I came
face-to-face with him, there would not have been a thing I could have done.
None of that mattered. When you are five years old, the lack of resources,
constraints, or any other concerns can stand against clear desire. A good
friend of mine taught me one way to accomplish anything if you really know what
you want. On that warm afternoon, I stood tall as I closed my eyes and crossed
my arms at the wrist. Devoid of all other thoughts and distractions, I
concentrated on my wish:
“I
want to capture the Son of Sam.”
My story may seem to be a kind
of a cross between the cute story of a little kid making a wish, guaranteed to
come true if the ritual is performed correctly, and the horror of a
five-year-old child captivated by a murderous rampage of a madman. For me,
revisiting this moment from 43 years ago is my unique way of attempting to gain
clarity in my fight against multiple sclerosis.
Then: I had no concept of the scope
of the crimes, the analysis of data collected, the efforts underway, or the
tools available to help solve that case.
Now: The National MS Society has
an avalanche of data to document disease progression, research in support of
efforts to eradicate MS, and an army of experts committed to the fight.
Then: There was nothing I could do
to support law enforcement efforts.
Now: Through the National MS
Society and NEVER STOP NEVER QUIT, I can help raise the money we need to
support research and treatment options. I can raise awareness of the disease
and highlight our need to overcome its devastating effects. My donation pleas can
fund the scientists, researchers, and support staff required.
Then: I had no voice, no reason
for anyone to listen, nothing to say if it did.
Now: I have a story. I have my
fundraising messages. I have pictures, postcards, pamphlets, billboards. I have
a blog. I have books. I have plenty of reasons for everyone to listen, and much
to say when they do.
Then: I had no stake in the game.
There was no connection between me and any of the victims, and the probability
of one in the future was extremely low.
Now: I am a victim. My friends
are victims. Friends/family/caregivers share our pain. The probability our
close-knit circle will grow is nearly certain.
I thought about the story as I
was lying on my hardwood floor. Not from my fall on January 15th, but from my
fall yesterday, March 7th. Nothing really hurt this time, but the accident
knocked a thought into my head: What do I really want?
- Do I want to stop the
progression of multiple sclerosis?
- Do I want to prevent future
cases of MS?
- Do I want to heal and recover
from the damage MS has already done?
- Do I want to support care and
assistance that will help in the management of MS symptoms?
I could not come up with an
answer. Longing for the heart and desire of that five-year-old again, I tried
to define what I want in the simplest of terms. When I stood up and walked down
the hallway to my bedroom, I noticed the extended trail of blood droplets.
Apparently, I knocked the thought into my head harder than expected. I didn’t
know what my wish was going to be. As I cleaned up the blood, I wrote this story.
It became the tale of a boy who had a want, a yearning so clearly defined, yet had
no resources to ever achieve his goal. That boy turned into a man who had more
resources than he ever thought imaginable, constantly creating new tools and
allies, yet could not define his want. In whatever shape it formed, I knew what
my response was and will always be.
“I’m
in.”
My perfectly form words had no
beginning when I sat down to write this morning. Remembering that it will only
come true if the ritual is performed correctly, I stopped complicating matters;
generating this one continuous, uninterrupted thought only after I looked up
over my monitors and extended my arms out, crossing them at the wrist. With
slow and shallow breaths, I close my eyes and focused on one thing I wanted:
“I
want to Defeat MS.”
I hope these stories will
inspire you to join my fight in 2020.
Because it is a fight.
The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin
Byrne
Portland,
OR
Never Stop…
Never Quit…
Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.
