What Else Can I Do?
Since last year’s battles with multiple sclerosis, I’ve
found that I have a hard time with many common activities: just the other day I
couldn’t outrun Eleanor while playing tag in the backyard. She’s adorable, but it’s still disheartening
when my three–year-old daughter is faster than me.
That’s just one of the activities that I can’t do these days.
I won’t bore you with the entire list
but it includes many things that I used to find great joy in: running, hiking, swimming, sometimes even just
walking a block can feel as strenuous as my toughest Army days.
MS is relentless. I
never get a break from its effects.
Whenever I feel like I have overcome one challenge, it comes back with
much more vigor. As soon as I grow used
to one difficulty, another will soon pile on, making it all rather overwhelming. Frustrating hardly begins to explain my
feelings. To not be able to do what was
once as routine as taking a breath…that’s a difficult change to accept.
My options are pretty limited these days. In fact, there are only two available to me
when simple tasks become insurmountable:
I do them anyway. My Father’s
Day from Brie was to go hiking. The Angel’s
Rest hike in the Columbia Gorge is 4.8 miles round trip with an elevation gain
of about 1,450 feet. I easily conquered
this hike many times in the past. The
last time Brie and I hiked Angel’s Rest, I carried our daughter in a pack on my
back. This time, I made it about a third
of the way before my leg just couldn’t do any more. I pushed as hard as I could before it was no
longer safe. We drove back to Portland without
saying much. I felt proud of what I did and
also frustrated over what I couldn't do.
Before I toss my hiking boots and trekking poles I will look over the
ridge of Angel’s Rest again. I have no
other choice.
I do what I can. Besides
running, hiking and swimming, I used to bike a lot. Then came the time when I could no longer
hold on to the handlebars safely. So I
traded in my road bike for a recumbent.
Then I couldn’t keep my balance on two wheels. So I traded in again, this time for a
recumbent trike. Last year I rode the
202-mile Seattle to Portland ride as well as 88 miles of the National MS
Society’s BikeMS Oregon, climbing the 4,503’ of elevation gain through the Willamette
Valley and Oregon Wine Country in triple-digit heat. That was an amazing triumph over a tough
round of MS issues and hospitalizations.
But, alas, that was short lived as I was soon to be back in the hospital
just two months later. That was
November. By the time March came around
my MS had taken its toll again. The
thrill of those long bike rides just ten months ago is long gone.
So I did what I could. I changed my diet and daily lifestyle with a
focus on my health and recovery. Next, I
got back into the gym to see what I could do.
I rode the stationary bike. All I
had in me was 10 minutes, going pretty slow, but that was a stake in the
ground. For the next few weeks I rode
faster and at a harder resistance, back to the training rate that I was up to
last year. Now, I need to work on my
time. 10 minutes became 15, then 20,
then 30. When I extended my time, it
took a while to get back to last year’s training rate. When I got there, I extended it again. 30 minutes became 45. Last week I rode strong for an hour. The week before that I took my recumbent bike
out and rode 25 miles. My goal is next
month’s BikeMS Oregon. I’m no way near
where I was even last year, but I am doing what I can.
There is no other option.
So this year my goal is to ride,
just ride. I’m not sure how far or how
fast, but I will ride.
I’ll ride to increase awareness of
my fight and everyone else’s who battles this disease.
The fight is not over
and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never
stop…nor will we
It will never
quit…nor will we
This is why we ride!
Kevin Byrne - Portland,
OR
