Thursday, May 25, 2017

Numbness, and Other Inconsequential Ramblings of a Condemned Man

I lost my keys the other day. If they’re not in one of three pre-defined locations, my nightstand, the kitchen island, or my gym bag, a scavenger hunt is sure to ensue.
Brie gave me a handy Tile® chip for my key ring. Great concept.
Lost your keys?
Press locate on your phone app, a ring will alert you to the presence of your misplaced keys.
The problem is I only receive alerts when leaving the house, keys and phone both in hand, and I accidentally press the button on my Tile. My friendly phone rings, alerting me of its presence in my right hand. I can't feel it there, but, since I am staring at the damn phone, I’m already well aware of that fact.
 Why can't I just have a regular place to put my keys every time… like a nightstand, a kitchen island, or, maybe, a gym bag? Brie put my keys on the key-hook in our kitchen one time; I couldn’t find them for four hours.
This time, however, I need my keys immediately. With a halfhearted commitment to a fruitless effort, I activate the app on my phone. No beep, no chirp. This adventure begins… [cue slapstick music]
 Nightstand? Nope. Kitchen island? Sorry. Gym bag? Strike three!
Laundry hamper, gym bag, (yesterday's) pant pockets, dog bed, living room cushions, kitchen island, pant pockets (currently wearing), Ellie's room, nightstand, hallway, driveway, car (unlocked, still no keys), gym bag, nightstand. I surrender.
“They'll show up.”
The most optimistic justification for failure in the English language. I decide to pass the time with frivolous activities, hoping my keys will materialize. After cleaning up clutter for about 10 minutes, I grabbed my gym bag for relocation to its probably designated location on the floor.
My keys fell out.
I found them in the second to last place I looked.
And the third.
And the fifth.
 I'm still learning how to be disabled, hanging on to a former life in hopes my body will remember what the mind finds normal. “Stick my hand in the bag’s pocket and fish around for the keys.” Why wouldn't that work? I have three jingly keys, three rings, and a square Tile paperweight attached.
It doesn't work because I can't feel anything with my right hand. I adhere to routines nevertheless. Maybe I'll hear keys jingle; maybe those random spots on my hand, where sensations are occasionally detected, will appear and feel the cold metal. I'd prefer those two options over dumping junk and grime out, in desperate hopes of seeing keys atop the pile.
Great, more clutter.
I should get a Tile.

Numbness of the face, body, or extremities (arms and legs) is often the first symptom experienced by those eventually diagnosed as having MS.

The fight is not over and it won’t be over until a cure is found.
It will never stop…nor will we
It will never quit…nor will we
This is why we fight!

Never Stop… Never Quit…®
Kevin Byrne
Portland, OR

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